


Return to Sender

by orzaika



Category: Elder Scrolls Online
Genre: Gen, I Wrote This While Listening to Hozier's Music, Letters, M/M, letters left unsent, while also sleep deprived
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24156901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orzaika/pseuds/orzaika
Summary: Darien,Raz told me I should start writing to you as a way to cope. Gabrielle says that it’ll be a good way to catch you up when she’s able to find you. I don’t know if I believe that either of those are going to help with anything right now. What am I supposed to do? Everywhere I go I see your shadow and I can hear your laughter around every corner. Everyone says that time will heal all wounds, but what the fuck am I supposed to do, Darien. I miss you so much and I can’t stand to go home because remembering the nights we stayed up late to watch the stars sends me into a spiral.Love you lots,Ashewen
Relationships: Darien Gautier & Vestige, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 10





	Return to Sender

Darien,

Raz told me I should start writing to you as a way to cope. Gabrielle says that it’ll be a good way to catch you up when she’s able to find you. I don’t know if I believe that either of those are going to help with anything right now, but Hecranil has been like a brick wall since you left and I don’t want to bother him. All he’s been doing is staring at the ring you got him.   
  


Listen, I know this is disjointed, just. What am I supposed to do? Everywhere I go I see your shadow and I can hear your laughter around every corner. I saw Jakarn the other day and almost cried because he cut his hair in a way that reminded me of you. Everyone says that time will heal all wounds, but what the fuck am I supposed to do, Darien. I miss you so much and I can’t stand to go home because remembering the nights we stayed up late to watch the stars sends me into a spiral.   
  


I know I promised you that I wouldn’t run away from important things, but I just need to get away from here. Naryu said to look her up in Vvardenfell a while back, and we never went there, so. No memories to cry over, hopefully. Hecranil is going to hate me for this. Is it wrong for me to hope he does? I already hate myself for it.  
  


I’ll try writing again when my brain isn’t mush.  
  


Love you lots,

Ashewen

* * *

Darien,

It’s been a while. Vvardenfell is just as much of a shitshow as everywhere else on the fucking continent. I think you wouldn’t be surprised, but it’s important to me that you know that. Vivec is turning out to be an absolute bastard, and Naryu’s got her own problems with this kid, Veya. I think you would like her, but then again, you two would probably get in an argument and refuse to talk again since you’re both so stubborn.  
  


Turns out running from my problems didn’t help. I still think of you all the time and it’s not fucking fair. I haven’t heard anything from Hecranil and I’m tired of listening to people saying it’ll get better with time because nothing feels better and it’s been months.   
  


I can talk about you without crying, though, and I think that’s some kind of progress. I don’t know if that makes me a bad friend. Maybe I’ll come talk to you soon. Or whatever Gabrielle put up as a memorial for you.   
  


Love you lots,

Ashewen

* * *

Darien,

I got a letter from Hecranil today. He’s not super mad and he seems like he’s doing better. I think I should go home soon, especially after what happened with Veya. I don’t want to write it because Naryu and I have to be kind of sneaky about everything, but I’ll tell you soon. Maybe it’s too much to hope for, but I’ll check in with Gabrielle and see if she’s made any progress.   
  


Love you lots,

Ashewen

* * *

Darien,

What is magic even good for if it can’t even find you.  
  


Love you lots, 

Ashewen

* * *

Darien,

Hecranil does seem like he’s doing better. He chewed me out for leaving, but he’s not sitting in silence most of the time anymore, so I’ll count it as a win. We went to see your memorial yesterday. You would’ve hated it. The inscription didn’t even have the words “heroic” or “handsome”.   
  


Before the planemeld, you asked what I wanted to do when all of it was over. I couldn’t answer you at the time, but right now I just want to talk to you again.  
  


Love you lots,

Ashewen

* * *

Darien,

Kari still isn’t giving me jobs in Covenant territory. I know she’s only doing it because of earlier, but I think I can handle it. It’s been a while since you left and I’m truly feeling- well, not at peace, but better about the whole thing.  
  


Love you lots, 

Ashewen

* * *

Darien,

I know I said I could handle it, but actually being in Rivenspire was so much worse than I thought it would be. When I ducked into the refuge for a breather, someone asked where you were.   
  


Fuck this. Raz asked if I wanted to go to Summerset a week or two ago. I’ve never been there, but anywhere would be better than fucking here.  
  


Love you lots,

Ashewen

* * *

Darien,

Summerset is awful. I’m realizing why Dad wanted to leave so badly. A bosmer working in the stables apologized to me when I looked at him, if that gives you any indication of how bad things are here. Also all the magic in the air makes me feel like I’m going to break out in hives. There was even a weird apparition of some guy in golden armor in Shimmerene. If this is what passes for normal in Summerset, I don’t ever want to live here. As soon as I’m finished helping Raz, I’m hopping on the closest boat and going back to Hew’s Bane.  
  


Love you lots, 

Ashewen.

* * *

Darien,

I fucking hate daedra.  
  


Love you lots,

Ashewen

* * *

Darien, 

I’ll have to tell Gabrielle she was right. I’ll see you soon.  
  


Love you lots,

Ashewen

* * *

Darien,

I hate this. I hate this so much. Veya’s gone, you’re gone, Iachesis is gone, Hecranil’s mourning you for the second time, and I can’t feel anything other than anger. I could’ve figured something out. ~~I could’ve~~ I could’ve done something, anything, and then you would be here and Veya would be here and I wouldn’t be left with this fucking ball of emotions and feelings. The proxy queen wants to make some kind of speech, and I can’t understand how anybody can be happy right now. I don’t know why the sun here keeps shining when you’re fucking gone.  
  


This isn’t fucking fair.  
  


Love you lots,

Ashewen

P.S.- I can’t do this anymore. The writing bit, at least. I want to hope, but I don’t think you can come back from this one. I promise I’ll at least get one good hit on Meridia for you.

**Author's Note:**

> i was super lightheaded when writing this and i think you can tell? the entirety of writing this was kind of a haze and i'm not even going to work on it past it's rough draft stage i just had some feelings and needed to write them down


End file.
